Marriage Reflections
The Basis For Marriage
By Dr. Jay E. Adams
Love is not the basis for marriage as some think. And marriages that are based on it have proven so by their instability and failure. When they don’t come apart, it is usually for financial reasons—or to hold on to children. Even then, the feelings of love have usually lost their binding power. Why is this? Because true love is not “getting,” as love is pictured by Hollywood and TV—having my emotions stirred up. Feelings don’t last because they are so shaky.
No, the basis for marriage is a covenant (Prov. 2; 17; Malachi 2:14). It is a covenant made before God in which each promise the other that so long as he/she lives, the other will never lack companionship. That was, of course, the original reason given for marriage—that man might not be alone, which God said was “not good.”
So He instituted marriage which, as He bound husband and wife together, he said that nothing was to separate them. That is why Marriage is a COVENANT OF COMPANIONSHIP. Does love have a part? Of course; rather than the basis for marriage, it is a duty of marriage, We promise to “LOVE, HONOR. . . etc.
And love is not feelings—it is giving whatever one has that another needs by way of companionship. God so loved the world that He GAVE; He loved me and GAVE himself for me; Husbands love your wives and GIVE . . . all the biblical references teach us one thing—love is other-centered. It is giving yourself for another. Those who give rarely have difficulty with feelings, which follow, and remain!
So, let’s remember—love is a Covenant of Companionship. In one sense, that says it all.
Dr. Jay E. Adams
Founder of the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation in Philadelphia, the National Association of Nouthetic Counselors, The Institute For Nouthetic Studies, and Timeless Texts which now publishes his books.
Dr. Jay Adams books can be purchased at: TimelessTexts.com
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