ONE
When I was single, being a very distinct solitary individual, I had no concept of what being one with another person meant. When I entered into marriage it wasn’t apparent early on either, other than the fact that I was beginning to share everything with my wife—the first hint. But mystery became revelation quickly—I was no longer my own. I couldn’t think of enjoying a romantic movie or a walk along a daffodil laced stream without her. Still, that deep essence of oneness, often difficult to define, wasn’t fully realized until I understood that it was already there the moment we said, “I DO.”
Why is this so? Marriage makes two people one by virtue of God’s original decree in Genesis 2:24—”The two will become one flesh”. Which means they are already one in spirit, in soul and body. This why something doesn’t feel right when you pursue your own life or continually do your own thing apart from your spouse—it runs contrary to everything oneness stands for. It is because we are ONE as husband and wife that our true identity as individuals emerges into a new identity that includes the person of the one we love. This is not a principle, but a fixed law. Principles apply to the living out of this oneness.
The biggest obstacle to living this out is the insistence that we can maintain a degree of independence and maintain a “private sphere” in marriage. Separation and ultimately divorce are the result of neglecting and violating that oneness, rather than embracing it. In most cases that tends to perpetuate itself in remarriage as well, because the fundamental things that were never realized or experienced in oneness, and the hurt that ensued because of it, become redefined in self-protectionism, further deepening the notion of independence in a new marriage.
The apostle Paul fleshes this out in Ephesians 5 when he said, “love your wife, (or your husband) like you do your own body, no one ever hated their own body, but feeds and cares for it”. It is when you love your spouse you are actually loving yourself, and when you neglect or hurt your spouse, you are literally neglecting and hurting yourself. Unfortunately that hurt, because its roots are usually misunderstood, is often used against the other party deepening open wounds, rather than taken as a warning signal to love your spouse even more, reaching in to heal the wounds and begin again.
Oswald Chambers said, “Love is the overflowing result of one person in true fellowship with another.” This is the ultimate goal of marriage; the transcendent beauty of marriage. God made the marriage bond strong because of his design for its permanence. True oneness is the most intimate state a man and a women can share; one that offers the most protection, and cultivates the greatest happiness as well. So go on that walk, where you think about the heart more than the heart rate, where there’s no difference between each other and the view, and oneness is understood just a little more.